When you finally get over the shock of actually conceiving that bundle of joy, there are numerous eventful situations you won’t be prepared for!! Here’s my list of things that I wish someone, heck anyone, would have told me about having a baby and becoming a parent!
1. Childbirth is gross. Plain and simple. Seeing your goods bent out of shape and out there for the entire room to see is gross. Keep your significant other on the opposite side of the birth canal. Your love life will thank me later!
2. After you deliver, your first trip to the bathroom will be an all out event, literally. Don’t be embarrassed to let someone help you there.
3. Breastfeeding is the pits! Yes, breast milk is best for your baby, and the benefits of breastfeeding extend well beyond basic nutrition. In addition to containing all the vitamins and nutrients your baby needs in the first six months of life, breast milk is packed with disease-fighting substances that protect your baby from illness. Blah, blah, blah……no one tells who that your most prized possession that you hold in that Very Sexy Victoria Secret push up bra will start to drop after this nutritious journey ends. Not to mention the fact that pumping simply hurts. I never thought I’d love Vaseline as much I did while breast feeding!
4. After the first blissful week when that “I’m a new mom” adrenaline rush dies down, you will most likely cry. A lot.
5. If at all possible, do not put on real clothes for at least two weeks, and don’t worry about losing the “baby weight”. Things will happen in due time.
6. Babies don’t always sleep and sometimes they cry, uncontrollably. This the most dreadful event of all. You and your little one won’t be on the same sleep schedule for a while, it takes practice. You have to learn to make yourself sleep when he/she is sleep. Don’t try to do chores, or anything extra, just sleep! They also cry as if they’re trying to reach someone in the Appalachian Mountains, seriously……………just breathe
7. After you get over the infant hump, there’s the toddler hump………….which lasts much longer. Toddlers are notorious for tantrums, it’s their claim to fame, they will do it anywhere at anytime, for any reason. Keep your pantry stocked with wine to deal with these mishaps!!! You’ll need a wine iv to deal on some days lol (no seriously).
8. Sex with your mate takes a back seat. This is really pivotal, your sex drive will diminish or damn right disappear for a while but you must remember that your significant other will suffer, so remember to think of “alternatives” to keep everything going smooth!
9. You’re not super woman, it’s ok to ask for help.
10. Take lots of pictures, even create a scrap book because you won’t remember much of this later. Trust me. There’s also a cool app out there called Grove Book, you can download 100 pictures of your kid and they’ll make it into an awesome book and mail it you every month for $2.99. http://www.groovebook.com/
I’m sure I omitted a few things!
What do you wish someone would have told you about having a baby?